My WORST dates ever

I used to be a serial dater. There we go I’ve said it. I used to love going out on dates. Mainly just because I liked meeting people and if I’m being really honest with myself I enjoyed the attention. After leaving a pretty horrific relationship in my second year at Uni; I surrounded myself with a group of really confident positive girls and they nurtured me into being able to deal with boys and feel confident enough to start going out on dates again. The way these girls built me back up is something I won’t ever forget.

However it did lead me into some pretty interesting situations in my final years at University. Dating at University is great because you will constantly be meeting new people; from nights out to societies to friends of friends. It’s just a constant social buzz. There’s three dates that stand out as some of my worst that I would love to share with you so you can learn from my mistakes. No offence to any of the boys I’m sure you all turned out to be great people; but these were some pretty hideous experiences…… 

He Didn’t Speak To Me

Boy 1 we shall call him. I met him after he moved in with some of my friends. This was the friendship group that I’d always go on nights out with; so when me and Boy 1 were drunk the conversation was great and it was clear he was interested in me. He asked me to come round to the house for a date with him; I figured it would be pretty chill so said yes. He welcomed me in and said we’d sit in the living room. All pretty standard so far. However; two of his housemates then joined us. I was fine with this because I knew his housemates better than him and obviously it is their house so they would be in the living room. We sat in their altogether for a bit and I was chatting away to his housemates. I tried to include Boy 1 in the conversation asking different questions but he would only answer with about one word. That was where it started to get a bit odd.

He then left me to go cook us dinner. Which consisted of a microwave burger (rustlers...?) and chips. Instead of going to the separate dining room for us to eat he brought it all through to the living room and we continued to sit with the two housemates. The whole time we had our food he did not utter a word, didn’t even look up from his plate. At this point all of us could clearly feel it was a bit awkward and his housemate who was sat opposite me was texting me asking why he wasn’t speaking to me. All I could do was shrug and look confused. Luckily the other two were there so I could at least chat to them. After about four hours Boy 1 out of nowhere announced he was going to go to bed. I looked round at his housemates clearly confused as to if this was normal and he disappeared upstairs. But the weirdest part after I got home that night, he texted me to say he had a great time and wanted to see me again soon. It was then my turn to not speak to him. Ever again.

No Trousers Surprise

This date is really something else; I still cringe just remembering it. Boy 2 was best friends with a boy I’d been seeing for a few months. This guy I had been seeing turned out not to be so great and had massively knocked my confidence again. So when his best friend, Boy 2, started messaging me I decided to go along with it. Mainly because I told myself worst case scenario I’d at least get some free food. Yes, I know that’s not the best way to look at things but I promised myself I’d write this post honestly. I very much regret that now. I went to this guys house and it was all pretty normal at first. Talking about what we wanted to do after Uni and various life things. We then started watching a film; sat on top of his bed. I will say now I had no intention of anything else going on and was just happy to be out chatting to someone new. There hadn’t really been any romantic intentions on my part. He suggested getting under the covers because I looked cold; sadly I was too naïve to realise what was going on. I had gotten under the covers and went to put my hand on the mattress to sit up and have a drink. When where I should have felt linen mattress cover; I had brushed a bare leg. I tell you now I have never sat up so quick in my life. Somehow without barely moving this Boy 2 had taken his trousers off while we were chilling in his bed. I looked at him and all I could say was ‘Where are your trousers!?’ I realised at that point I had made a mistake; after making my excuses I made sure not to message him again either.

The Fake Emergency Call 

First let me explain where I was at with dating at this point in my University experience. I hated boys; I thought they treated girls awfully and deserved a taste of their own medicine. I saw a date as a chance to get a free meal. I know it’s awful and you shouldn’t judge and use people. But Uni boys were pretty horrendous in the manner in which they choose to treat girls.

So this date. Boy 3 I had been speaking to on a popular dating app that my friends had convinced me to download after a night out. He said about meeting at a local pub for a few drinks; I was excited at the prospect of free drinks and happily agreed. Again another huge mistake. Obviously we’d only seen each others profile pictures which isn’t always the best representation of you as a person. I turned up at our meeting spot and thought I’d seen him so smiled at him to let him know that yes it was me. He immediately looked back down at his phone and texted asking where I was. I replied to say I was there. He then said he couldn’t see me. So we awkwardly stood pretty much side by side in the middle of the town centre waiting for him to realise it definitely was me. He finally did and said in quite a shocked voice. ‘Oh you’re Lauren then?’ which felt like such a confident boost. I realised he was not how his profile pic made him out to be either. He had somehow lost about three feet from his photo; I tried to keep it positive and ploughed ahead.

We talked in the pub but the conversation was focussed on rugby and his friends. No questions about me and nothing really that entertaining to chat about. To the point that I was almost downing my drinks because I was so bored. And I think that’s how I ended up doing what I did next.

I made my move to the toilet and texted my friend about this. I realised there was only one way out. To fake an emergency. But I couldn’t just say it; I decided that I needed to build the scenario. I asked my friend if when I text her a code word, she could call me with an emergency to get me out of there. She very happily agreed and was excited to show off her acting skills. I went back to the table and built the story up letting Boy 3 know that I’d been with my friend last night who was really upset, and she’d been calling me all day. He acted quite understanding of the situation. As he went to get more drinks, I texted the code word. He came back to the table as she called. Bless my friend; she went for full on emergency on the phone and came up with an amazing story about breaking up with her boyfriend and was practically crying down the phone to me. To the point I nearly couldn’t keep a straight face. I turned to Boy 3 and said ‘I don’t normally do this but I think she really needs me.’ He agreed and said I should go. I picked up my things and moved out of the pub quicker than my feet could carry me; ecstatic to be away from such dull chat. However, on my way back home I’d stopped in my local co-op to pick up snacks when my friend called. She was wondering where I was. I explained I’d left after I ended the call with her. She then told me she was at the pub thinking I needed picking up and had been running around shouting my name trying to find me. While Boy 3 was apparently still there drinking. Honestly one of my favourite nights purely because it showed me how good a friend my mate was. 

So yeah that’s just a very small collection of some of the most memorable dates I’ve been on. All I can say if you’re embarking on your dating journey now; is sometimes you do just want to go on a date to get free food or drinks and that’s okay. I don’t know, in some ways that could be seen as feminism. But look after yourself, make sure you have good friends around you and always remember to channel your inner Lizzo and value yourself and your time. Until next time guys.